Page 5 - Phoenix Vol 11 No 4

AMY LIEBERMAN | Mediation
MAediation and Emotional Intelligence
ccording to Travis Bradberry sphere of trust is created when parties NO. 1: Create an Emotion vs. Rea- and Jean Graves, the authors work with an experienced mediator, son list. Make a list of what your emo- of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0,” who is knowledgeable about the law, tions are telling you to do and what
Emotional Intelligence, or “EQ,” is critical to your professional success.
What exactly is EQ? EQ is de ned as “ e ability to recognize and un- derstand emotions in yourself and others, and the ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.” EQ is not a static state of being. Unlike one’s IQ, which does not change, EQ can be devel- oped.
SO HOW DOES EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE WORK WITH MEDIATION?
Negotiation experts will tell you that parties will accept less, even far less, than they came prepared to ac- cept, when they feel good about the process. is may be their rst time in mediation, and – they hope – their last. Anxiety about the process pro- duces stress, which impacts parties both emotionally and physically.
No matter how sophisticated a par- ty may be, it is not at all uncommon for them to lose sleep the night before mediation. ey may lose their appe- tite, and so do not eat before, or dur- ing the mediation. ey may come “loaded for bear,” and adrenaline may be ooding them. ey rarely wish to see the opposing party, even for the traditional “meet and greet” and sign- ing of the Agreement to Mediate.
CHOOSING TO MEDIATE IS AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT CHOICE
Bradberry and Graves teach that one key step is to “Speak to some- one who is not emotionally invested in your problem.” Mediation works because the involvement of a neutral third party avoids the common emo- tional reaction of “reactive devalua- tion,” where opponents automatically discount arguments and positions taken by their adversaries. An atmo-
knows how to evaluate positions, and even more importantly, is invested in guiding and supporting the parties in reaching their goal of resolving the matter.
FOR THE MEDIATOR
e mediator uses EQ skills to “manage behavior and relationships.” In mediation, that relationship may only be for the day – but a relation- ship of collaboration is essential for that day. If the case does not settle that rst day, the relationship between me- diator and counsel may continue over whatever time is needed to bring the negotiations to a close.
Perhaps the most challenging be- havior that can bene t from the me- diator’s EQ is “emotional hijacking,” which is what happens when emo- tions dictate actions. Bradberry and Graves point out that our brains are hard-wired to give our emotions the upper hand, so it’s important to deal with emotions e ectively. Emotional hijacking can cause stubborn refusal to make another move, even though more money is available, because a party is angry about the other side’s opening o er, or last move. Or, par- ties may reach a monetary resolution, but settlement is elusive because one party refuses to o er a non-monetary item – a letter of reference, a change of termination to resignation, an apology, a press release, con dential- ity, altering time to be spent with chil- dren in a divorce - which costs noth- ing, but they will not o er it because they don’t want to.
FOR PARTIES AND COUNSEL
e more intense your emotions, the greater the likelihood they will dictate your actions. To avoid this, try the following ve steps suggested by Bradberry and Graves to decrease the e ect of emotional hijacking:
your rational brain is telling you to do. Where are emotions perhaps cloud- ing your judgment, and where is your reason ignoring important clues from your emotions? e list can make it easier to see whether you should al- low the emotional or rational side to have more say in your decision.
NO. 2: Engage in “Perspective Tak- ing.” is is also known as “stepping into the other parties’ shoes.” Kick around what you think they may be feeling and what might in uence them to be more willing to negotiate in a productive way.
NO. 3: Be Transparent. Authorize the mediator to explain your thinking as to why your position is where it is. Transparency of reasoning appeals to the rational brain, builds respect and is appreciated. Even where the ne- gotiations get to the point of simply horse-trading dollars, it’s ne to ac- knowledge that – it’s no secret that it’s a business decision and you are sim- ply trying to get there.
NO. 4: Look at the Big Picture. Don’t just focus on who’s right and wrong, or who’s likely to win – con- sider the cost of the ght in terms of stress, dollars, time and the greater impact on all parties. “Going to the balcony” allows you to see the con ict in a di erent light.
NO. 5: Take a Break. Leave the con- ference room, step outside, get some food, make a phone call, and focus on something else for a short while. is provides time for adrenaline to de- crease and allows for clearer thinking.
Fortunately, EQ is dynamic. Your EQ skills can be developed and de- ployed to increase the chance of reso- lution.
Amy L. Lieberman is a full-time professional mediator of employment and business con ict. She has repeatedly been listed in the Best Lawyers in America, Southwest Super Lawyers, and Arizona’s Finest Lawyers in Alternative Dispute Resolution, and is the author of the book, “Mediation Success: Get It Out, Get It Over, Get Back to Busi- ness.” For more information, visit www.insightmediation.com or call Amy at (480) 248-3366.
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