Page 10 - NC Triangle Vol 7 No 1

JOSEPH H. MITCHINER | Estate Planning Why Plan Your Own Funeral?
Itwould be an understatement to say that my mother was n- icky about certain things. e day a er her death, my two sisters and I were discussing funeral arrange- ments. One of them asked, “What do we do about her hair?” Being a guy, I naïvely replied, “I think she wanted a closed casket; so, it shouldn’t mat- ter.” at same sister aptly responded,
“Well, you know mother!”
I had prepared my mother’s estate
plan documents, including a basic guideline to help her plan her fu- neral. Later on, she told me that she had completed her assignment, but I had never looked to see what she had written. Here’s what I found behind the Memorial Instructions tab of her estate plan portfolio binder:
When I visited Bryan-Lee Funeral Home in Raleigh and viewed the casket and vault room, I saw the cheapest to the most expensive. Put me in (please) the very cheapest. I would be okay with even the cheapest one they had that day. Also, you don’t need to have a beautician to x my hair, because you can leave the casket closed. And you can have me dressed in night clothes or day-wear. I want you children to have my jewelry, if you want it, so you can leave that o , too. If Montlawn will be okay with a liner, instead of a vault, you will save a hundred or two dollars there. Also, if Southbridge Fellowship is not into a church by the time it’s need- ed, you can use either Bryan-Lee or Providence Baptist if they will allow it.
As I read that memo to my sis- ters, we laughed and teared up at the same time. It showed clearly how
well our dear mother knew her chil- dren and herself. In addition to pro- viding a well-needed moment of lev- ity, it answered every question about which we could easily have argued.
Not wanting the funeral director to think that we were cheapskates or were being disrespectful of our mother by not spending an elabo- rate amount of money on a casket, I showed him the memo. He burst out laughing and proclaimed that we had just saved about an hour of compari- son shopping.
Planning a funeral can be likened, somewhat, in its details to planning a wedding. However, following a death, decisions must be made relatively quickly, when loved ones are o en not able to think clearly.
Bryan-Lee Advance Planning Di- rector George Yuhas has a list entitled, “104 ings that Must be Done on the Most Di cult Day of Your Life.” He reports the number one frustration funeral directors have is when there has been no pre-need planning. Wait- ing until death (known as at-need planning) adds unwelcome burdens to existing grief and anxiety, especial- ly when disagreements surface.
Documenting nal wishes is greatly bene cial and appreciated by every- one involved. Here are some things you might want to express and put with your estate plan documents:
• Who should be specially noti ed? When?
• Cremation or burial? If cremation, what do you wish done with your ashes? If burial, do you desire open or closed casket? Where do you wish to be buried?
• Whether burial plot, cremation niche, or mausoleum crypt, what
kind of marker do you want? What
should it say?
• What kind of service do you want
(public, private, religious, secular, military, none)? Where (funeral home, place of worship)? More than one service, geographically?
• What would you like your obituary to say? Do you even want an obitu- ary? If so, where published?
• Who will o ciate? How about pall- bearers (actual or honorary)? Read- ings? Music? Speakers?
• Do you want special events or ar- rangements for people from out of town?
• Do you want overall costs to be modest? Average? Lavish?
• What will be the source of funds to pay all costs? How accessible are those funds? Have you pre-pur- chased anything? Do you have spe- cial insurance with an appropriate bene ciary?
• Who will have nal say over all these matters? Is this legally docu- mented without con ict among documents?
Bryan-Lee Funeral Director Harold Hill recently said, “ e rst question most people ask is, ‘When can we get death certi cates?’ But, o en, the family doesn’t even have all the bio- graphical information required!”
So, don’t assume, “Oh, they know what to do!” And don’t duck the whole issue with, “I don’t care, I’ll be gone, let them do what they want.”
Your friends and loved ones will remember you one way or the other — either you made things easy, or you o -loaded a burden. Which do you want?
Joe received his undergraduate degree in Business Administration from UNC-Chapel Hill and his law degree from NCCU School of Law with magna cum laude honors. He has been engaged in private practice in Raleigh for over 40 years and holds the Martindale-Hubbell AV Preeminent rating. For the past 14 years, he has limited his practice to Wills, trusts, estate planning, and administration. An active member of WealthCounsel (a national collaboration of estate planning attorneys) and Christian Legal Society, he is also a Certi ed Kingdom Advisor. To learn more, you can visit www.mitchinerlaw.com.
ATTORNEY AT LAW MAGAZINE · NORTH CAROLINA TRIANGLE. 7 NO. 1 10